Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Rantings and Ramblings

They do not see what I see. They all look normal. They smile, they chat, they laugh! What is there to laugh about? How can they look so happy when all I see is chaos. It’s like I’m in an endless chasm, where I just keep falling and nothing can ever pull me back up but everyone is going about their lives like I’m not actually dying before their eyes.
I should correct myself, I think I am actually dead but I still seem to be breathing so I must be sort of alive. Why am I such a bad person. Why do I tinge every joyful moment with huge pints of sadness and depression? Why do I refuse to let myself rejoice? Why do I predict misfortune and bad luck for myself all the time?
I think I’m drowning. I can barely breathe at all. I try going through the motions and moving  a step at a time but even that is not working for me. I am thoroughly depressed and all I can think about is how much of a disappointment and disgrace I am to myself and everyone and everything that has ever believed in me.
Do you know the most horrible part about it? I burden everyone around me with this sickness. I barely allow any  enjoyment without showing this depression and sad life.
I love people around me and I love that they are happy. I don’t want to burden them to be sad on my behalf. So I try to hide it all the time.
I think I have become a good actor over time. I always pretend all is well and nothing bothers me and that there is no problem so they would be happy but it seems they see through it sometimes and I’m afraid at a point they wont be able to take it anymore. Its not even a fear anymore, it’s a fact. I think I have lost some people because they don’t want my sad life to poison theirs.
You know sometimes I question the reason why I’m alive. I mean, why is God still keeping me? I know I deserve to die but at the same time I am afraid of hell. The idea of burning forever doesn’t seem like a nice thing but I have heard animals don’t go anywhere. So I wish I was an ant or a mosquito. That way I would die fast and I would go no where. I would just cease to exist. I really want to die. It seems the wrong in this world is just endless.
I guess I’m just seeking a world that is perfect and peaceful. Where I would struggle over nothing and people would just stop lying and hurting me. There is so much I want to say but so much I don’t understand either. I keep looking for answers. I hope I find some someday but for now I would just slip into a melancholic state and forget I exist.

Wednesday, 15 February 2017

My letter to you

I want you to tell me your heart wont wander and your eyes wont roam
I want you to tell me She wont stop looking beautiful to you; and how you wont start comparing her body and skin to another
I need you to tell me the plans you have for that heart she placed in your hands.
Are your plans and thoughts those of good and not of evil like the Lords?
I need you to tell me that you wont get too comfortable with her and start to take her for granted
You wont get bored of her style, thought pattern, cooking, sexual prowess, her words, her gifts.   Need I remind you that boredom is just an illusion.

I hope you wont one day decide you're having a midlife crisis and you need fun, excitement, variety and spice that you have concluded she cannot provide

Tell me that She's safe with you and I don't mean the physical safety
Tell me that her plans, drams, ambitions and goals are safe with you
You wont get intimidated by her progress and try to dominate her; you wont let your pride get in the way of her goals, you will not clip her wings and leave her broken;
Tell me that you wont lead her astray as the head;
Tell me you'll be a true supporter and cheerleader

Tell me her heart is safe with you and you wont break it into a million pieces, even though if you do, She'll fix herself back because She's a fixer

Above all.
Tell me you're not leading her down a dead end; tell me its not just a joke to you and that you'll never be careless or make a fool out of her.
Tell me you'll nurture, love, cherish and respect her till forever.....

Always, forever and a day more....

Tuesday, 31 January 2017

Nothing can take my Joy!!

 Happiness is a state of the mind. You have to make a conscious decision to be happy. According to Mrs Tade-Williams (my favorite character in Husbands of Lagos) "you have the key to your own happiness" That's about the most realistic statement ever. We all think that happiness will come when everything falls in place; when you leave school, start working, buy your dream car, marry the bone of your bone, win that multi-million naira contract, six zeroes in your account and all other ephemeral stuff. I hope we all realize that you can come to the realization of your supposed dreams and still feel empty and unhappy. You could be married to the best woman in the world and still not be happy which will lead to some sort of mid-life crisis and going outside your home to find happiness.
This Joy that I have, nothing can take it away not poverty nor lack of money, nor pain or difficulties or challenges. Once the devil can succeed in attacking and taking over your joy, He's winning. The moment you become bitter and grumpy, negativity starts to set in,
Being happy is a decision, being joyful is a decision, deciding not to be sorrowful and sad is a decision, to always have a smile on your face is a decision and its not MY decision, it is YOUR DECISION.

Stop placing conditions on your happiness. When I make this money I'll be happy, When I get married, I'll be happy. Being broke is not the end of the world, being penniless isn't either. That should not turn you into an angry bird. Some people are living in IDP camps, some do not have electricity, many are living without technology, yet they always find reasons to smile.

Try the laughter method.
Tell yourself that nothing can take your smile and laughter away
Tell yourself until you believe it
The moment you believe it, it begins to work for you
Laugh when you don't have money
Laugh when you have money
Laugh when you're in pain
Laugh when you're excited
Laugh instead of crying
Laugh at the big things
Laugh at those tiny little funny things
Laugh instead of worrying about tomorrow
Laugh even when it looks like nothing is working out for you 
Laugh when you're frustrated and confused
Laugh instead of lashing out at that very annoying person
Laugh when your boyfriend/girlfriend is misbehaving
Laugh because recession's got nothing on you
Laugh because you are a winner
Laugh because the devil's got nothing on you
Laugh to strengthen your faith
Laugh because your joy is forever

Laugh the devil to scorn
Laugh the enemy to shame

And when laugh, praise and pray, then sit back and watch everything fall back in place for you.....

Friday, 27 January 2017

A Soldier's Return

You return home five years after leaving for the war. The war is ending; the insurgent’s group is getting weaker and is retreating. You are happy, many of your friends are dead but you are alive. All you carry are battle wounds and those wounds make you nothing but a hero.
You return home after five years of war only to find your door locked with a big padlock signalling abandonment. And you pick up your key under the flowerpot only to enter into an empty house, dusty out of neglect. You want to know where your family went to, so you ask the old woman who lives alone in the house besides yours.

The old woman swears she doesn’t gossip and always man her own business but she can’t help but see the things that happen under her nose. She says she has lived long and seen wondrous things but never has she seen one as wondrous as that of your family. She asks you if you see the lump in the soil in front of your house, she tells you that is where your mother is buried and the smaller lump is where your son’s body lay.

She says it wasn’t long after you left that your mother was diagnosed of chronic cancer, she didn’t have many months to live! She says they tried to call you but it never went through and she suffered and struggled as she battled for her life with the disease.
She tells you she never liked your mother but it will be rude to say something bad of the dead. She tells you your mother made your wife’s life a living hell when she was healthy and it wasn’t until she needed her help in doing everything that she treated her right! She says your mother was nothing short of wicked to your wife but she stayed with her when she became sick, she stayed with her to clean her urine and excreta. A good woman, she calls your wife. She says women like that are not common anymore. She says she would have married the woman to her son if she wasn’t your wife and you aren’t like a son to her.

She describes how your wife cleaned your mother’s urine and faeces when she couldn't leave the bed anymore and you weep because you weren’t there when all these happened.
She tells you your son was coming back from the school one day after your mother died when he was hit by a car. A fine way to die she calls it after all Akilapa’s son was hit by a ne’er do well and he died but your son, he was by a luxury car not commonly seen in the area. She tells you your wife nearly ran mad and tried to call you many times but weren’t available. She asks you where you were then.

You want to tell her that you were fighting for your country, risking your life and the thought of your .mother, wife and son safe at home kept you going because you knew that they wouldn’t suffer. As long as you stayed alive, your salary would always be delivered to them.
You want to tell her you are a warrior to your country and a hero to many you saved but you know she will ask you if you are a hero to your family, the people who needed you the most, so you kept quiet.
She tells you that your wife nearly ran mad trying to save your son. She kept trying to wake him up even the doctor told her that he was dead. She said you will be very disappointed in her because she let your mother and your son die. She tried to kill herself because she wanted to be buried with her son.

The old woman asks where you were for the funerals because all your friends were there.
She tells you of how your wife withdrew from the society lamenting her fate like the bitter woman she had become, the bitter woman you have make her into. She tells you of how she would often pray loudly to God for death so she can forget the pain of losing a child and that was the time she needed you, her husband the most to console her but you were not there.

The old woman talks of how the neighbourhood woke up one night to a woman’s scream and it was your wife being robbed and raped for who makes a better prey than a lonely woman? They didn’t know how many men raped your wife, they couldn't have but she screamed for hours before she stopped and the men were never caught. She says that was the time when your wife lost her sanity finally and she started dressing like a mad woman. She tells you she brought her wedding gown out in the open, tore it and burned it the flames going higher and higher saying a husband who is never around is no husband at all over and over again.
She said your wife spoke like a mad woman and acted like one but always returned to your house, perhaps waiting for you to return home. She stayed there until one day when Alamu came, the carpenter who made all the furniture in your house_ including the bed, and saw her. Alamu who she often said she liked his handiwork and he kept visiting until one day he stopped and your wife was found pregnant. She tells you your wife then sank into depression until she became so violent and suicidal, and then she was taken to the psychiatric hospital.

She then points an accusing finger at you calling you a useless man who cannot save his home. She asks you again where you were when your wife needed a hero and you want to tell her that you were saving many lives and your country too but you didn’t because you know that she will say that a man who cannot save his home cannot save anyone else or his country for that matter.
You return to your home after five years of war, your home in ruins, and an abandoned house. You return to your home after five years with nothing but a gun and a badge, two mounds in the earth, a mad wife and bastard child. You return to your home after five years, a soldier who won a war but lost all!

Oyedunmade Salawudeen

Thursday, 26 January 2017

Quick Story......

So, 2017 has not gone on as I expected. January is almost over and by now I should have done two very important things in my life and future. But apparently, His ways and plans are not our ways!!!  If they had told me I would have entered an hospital this year, I would have  been like hmmmmmm,  well,  maybe I'm going to visit a new baby or something.  I do not like hospitals which is quite ironical because I grew up in an hospital environment. Apparently, I've taken in more injections and had my body prodded in the past week than I have in the entire 20 years of my existence.
Let me tell me story.........  My appendix was cut off last week and whilst medical practitioners might rate appendicitis as a minor operation, I rate it MAJOR. first of, the pain before you do a scan, surgery or get medication is pure torture. I pride myself on being very strong but after two days of quelling my tears and trying to bear the pain, I burst out in uncontrollable tears. I wept for hours. I wept till I was sedated.
My surgery was very successful, I thought of death on the surgical table when I saw the sterilized knives and scissors and forceps and whilst i wasn't scared of dying, i was scared of how scarred my family would be. I suppose that's expected
Anyway, the plot twist came in where it was discovered that my appendix had traveled from its expected position in my lower right stomach to my back/spine so when they cut me up, for a while they couldn't find no appendix. Thank God for smart doctors, another doctor would have closed me up. Then I woke up groggy amd disoriented, I actually saw double for a while πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
To bring my whole story to a wrap, I understood the truth about not taking who or what you are for granted.  Everyone who knows me knows I fart like 15 times a day and I'm never apologetic about it. But after my surgery, I couldn't fart for daysss. Doctor expected me to fart the second / third day, but the fart said it wasn't ready. I had to be telling God to bring the fart. I had to depend on people for everything, to stand, to turn on my side, to sit, to bathe, then  clean up after me, to eat, even to charge phone.
I also learnt the true test of people, Who's there when you cannot do anything for them than to look at them, who cares enough to know how painful the injection is. Before I got sick, I didn't realize how dispensable and indispensable I was to some people.
I'm thankful for an amazing family, it was like they sent a broadcast message that Glory was sick, my mum would hug me so I don't cry when I have to take injections, she was almost crying with me today when I got my stitches out; my Grandpa would say hope the injections isn't painful, for the plenty milk money I got from my Grandma, my Aunty would question the doctors every instruction and medication to ensure he was doing the best, my baby brother would touch my wound 10 times and ask is it paining you? Uncles that sent me jokes everyday on the sick bed not knowing that laughter was very painful at that time...

 I'm thankful for people who sacrificed their comfort, classes and time to be with me.
I'm thankful for best friends that slept on wooden benches so I can see her face and placed a potty under me to urinate without scrunching up her nose and those who called morning, afternoon and night from across continents; those who came visiting after hearing from the grapevine; those who sent me ice-cream and chocolates I couldn't eat from a different state
So,  my best friend was really angry on my behalf for those that didn't call or text or visit and while I understood her pain,  I've come to a conclusion that you shouldn't really expect or demand anything from anybody. I firmly believe that no one has an obligation to check up on me or anybody, and though we expect sooo much from some people, we should never forget that they are humans and we all are programmed to be self centered and a little foolish.  Do not always expect that you will be top priority in people's lives.
  I'm going to end with this..
Do not take your being healthy for granted, I always have but I will never again now that I know what it is like to not have control over your body system. 
Never stop being grateful to God for little blessings and pleasures.
Here's a picture of my long scarred abdomen

 Have a great day everyone  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, 1 January 2017

Ayomikun's Grateful Season!!!!

The 2016 end of the year stories have finally come to an end. A very big thank you to everyone that shared their stories, however hard it might have been. We can only pray, wish and hope for a bigger, better, more interesting and more glorious 2017......
To all the ghost readers I have on here, please try to leave a comment today, its the last 2016 story. Your comments will go a very long way... And to all of you who have been eagerly anticipating this final story....  Here you go...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!  HAVE A BUBBLING 2017!!!!

Today is the first of January 2017, I started writing this review on the 1st of December and I have cancelled, struck out, added to, erased like a hundred times..

When 2016 started, all I wanted was peace. John 14:27 "peace I leave with you, my peace I give you; peace of mind and heart; Do not be troubled or afraid"
January to May started with a bang, I was living the life, having fun. school was great. I got propositioned to be a mistress/ side-chick in february. LOOL, I can never forget how shocked I was when this young 33 year old man told me he was looking for fun, variety, spice and excitement!!!  Who looks at this petite girl and decides she is mistress material?? That was one very funny weekend. 
I was lied to a lot in April by someone who is very dear to my heart and at some point I decided to stop forgiving and overlooking, after all, I'm not Jesus.
 In May, I had a health scare, I got a semi diagnosis for PCOS; they told me what I had seemed like PCOS.  LOL, It seemed like my life was about to be over when it was supposed to be starting. I was scared shitless.  My  mind was going in circles, I couldn't comprehend neither did I understand why, I mean I had been good all my life just the occasional lie and stealing #200 from mumc's bag.  I wept, I cried, I fasted, I prayed, I implored. Then after some time, I decided to let go and let God fight my battles. I decided to heal, after all healing doesn't mean the damage never existed, it only means the damage has ceased to control our lives. Then He told me:
See I will do a new thing
I will make a way in the wilderness
I will make rivers in the desert
I will create beautiful places out of wastelands. There and then I knew my fight was over. I knew He wasn't going to fail me  and my diagnosis was actually my clean bill of health.
So by June, I thought, Hey Glory, why don't you make yourself some money?? It was time for me to gain financial independence and start a business. I had mapped out my perfect business plan, set up strategies, then  people started to despise my days of little beginnings, when i mentioned I wanted to sell soap, they would laugh  and I can't take mocking laughs. Then I needed money, nobody had to spare, nobody wanted to give me money to sell soap and I couldn't beg. I didn't ask my mom or any of my uncles, i just asked my friends. So I told myself i was going to postpone my startup for a month or two. But till now, nothing!!
Then I lost friends, I've never been one to have more than 3/4 friends and i lost like 2 and i was really down and confused as to how and why friendships couldn't withstand turbulence and why my supposed friends were not through the thick and thin friends. But in retrospect, I gained more friends this year than I have all my life. Right now I have the most amazing friends, those ones who stick closer than a brother.
I got into a new relationship, I heard Really!  What is she looking for?  Does she know what she is getting herself into?  But I do a thing called what I want and I wasn't about to let people's opinions stand in the way of my happiness. Thinking about it now, I think I was more interested in proving a point than actually being in the relationship. No one believed we would last 3 weeks, heck,  even i did not believe it could work out, I told myself I was only going to test the waters. But apparently, God works in mysterious ways. Hallelujah!!!   I'm happy I haven't had cause to hear the I told you so!!

In August,  my brother almost got electrocuted, my cousin who has been as good as my immediate younger brother was taken away by his mom and she cut contact with us and even went to spread rumors about my mom. It was a really painful period, my brothers were livid, how could she? My mom was shattered, her labour of love had not been appreciated. I was devastated, the boy was like my life, my best friend. I cried a lot, a whole lot. This Christmas was my first without him and it was really somehow. I kept on calling Jossy only to remember He's not here.
But, hey, I had good times too:
 I laughed the most on October 1st, on Temi's birthday, when my best friend and cousin decided to get drunk and do the drama of their lives. Trust me, it is real fun to be the sane one amidst drunks.
September to December turned out to be the best months of the year. I had silly, unimaginable fun, I did the things I had never done; i drank my first alcohol, went to my first party, I smoked shisha!!!!   I went to a club too tho there was only five of us, I broadened my horizons, became more exposed, I opened my heart to  love and accommodate more people(that i did a lot this year).
In November, I clocked the big 20, I finally realized I was getting old. My party was the bomb(some people are still castigating me for it tho, but hey who cares?) My little brother clocked the big 5, I sent my 2nd best friend to Europe(the girl left me and went to LOMDOM),  my brother wrote his final papers as a petroleum engineer, My mum did her pre-field successfully.
In December, I started my blog, yeah I OWN THIS BLOG (achievement right?? LOL),  My brother defended his project, my aunt graduated University of Birmingham with a distinction.  All in ALL
In 2016, I have danced  and I have cried.
I've hit rock bottom and I've been in cloud nine.
I've prayed myself to tears and I've prayed myself to drunken laughter
Shade, Blessing and I have almost gone hungry but then the best food pops out of the most unexpected places (thanks to Tope's kitchen)
I've had #0 in my diamond bank account so many times but I have never known the true meaning of lack.
I've actually not experienced what this recession is all about

2016 has taught me to stop the worrying and fears about tomorrow, because He that keepeth me does not slumber nor sleep;
I have learnt that everything happens for a reason and no matter what happens, the sun will not but shine in the morning;
I have discovered that I often chase after shadows in the dark and I end up missing the shooting star above my head; I try so hard to block out the rain that I miss the rainbow at the end of it;
I have discovered that the greatest pleasures come from my best friend's foolish banter and stupid drama, my little brother's antics, good food, sitting in the darkness with my brothers and talking about life, mother to daughter talks over the phone.
But above all,
2016 has undoubtedly been my grateful year even if my G.P has refused to soar,
I'm grateful I'm still shining (ammon shine when ammon shine)
I'm grateful I am still standing, living and Bubbling;
I'm grateful for my mother, she's the rock I lean on;
I'm grateful for my brothers;
I'm grateful because as I write this night, I am looking at my brothers play jackpot in front of me and JOSSY is losing terribly.....
I'm grateful i have people who can cope with my terrible nature: who overlook all the stupid things I do(Temi, Shade, Blessing and Wura)
I'm grateful for my best friends: these are people that we communicate deeply with the Father together, worship, pray in tongues; gist all night; go to parties and shows; discuss how to change the world; laugh and cry together;
I'm grateful for my support system;  Folashade: starve together, glow together, shine together; her endurance and forgiving spirit,  Wuraola's patience, advice and love; Blessing's strength, serving spirit and good heart; Abiodun: the younger sister I never had; my minister of information and personal assistant's good heart,her gentleness; Adenike's love, free spirit and generous spirit; My sweet Ikeoluwa and her amiable personality. You guys are my blessings in human form this year.
I'm grateful for my roadman and his mamaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
 I'm grateful for Feranmi ( my real MVP)
I'm grateful for an amazing man who puts me first and puts a smile on my face constantly;
I'm grateful for my Livingword family and team 12;
I'm grateful I saw my period more times this year than I have seen in the last four years;
I'm grateful for God's faithfulness
I'm grateful for little blessings and graces
I'm grateful for laughter
I'm grateful for peace of mind
I'm grateful I love and I am loved in return
I'm grateful because I know I'm a daughter of grace......

I am Ayomikun Oluwabusolami Ogungbamigbe
         AND I am a BUBBLE
   This BUBBLE cannot burst....................

Adesida Oluwaseun's awesome 2016 experience

Just after reading the words someone sent to me about my witty personality, I smiled and this sudden flash back came way back from church on the 1st of January.

I could remember very well the news that filled my ear, it was all about Headies. I didn't know much about the whole hullabaloo but I decided to stand with my guy "Olamide"..don't mind me, he's just my homie!.

I guess I just rolled through January to February and February having the Valentine's day in it, it was nothing to write home about. I spent that day not remembering that day it was...yeah, you should know what I'm driving at... I'm single!!!..

Well, March came being my birth month but something really bad happened to me February 27..Did I tell you?.. ok.. I was diagnosed of Food poisoning and Typhoid and was admitted to UCH... I tried o.. 32 drips wasn't a small thing especially when it has Flagyl in it and without any meal. I spent 5 unforgettable days there...

Well... I got back to school like 2 days after and I had this bottle-water addiction... I was so easy-going and in.. the sickness hit me gan!... March 10 was my birthday and it was just on a low-profile although I got beaten by Blessing, Laide, Kelvin, Gunshot and others with my small shipini body... Thanks for being the first to call Eniola.

Errr... We went on break and I was so tired of staying at home... It got extended tho... After the 1st Month of staying at home, oh boy! I went to look for work and.... I met hardwork!...

I got a job as a secretary at 1 Block industry like that... I had my reasons tho!... I wanted to be stronger!. I dinnur know I was playing with hot problems... I ended becoming a courier, an operator and an errand boy...imagine just for how much!.

Well.. I did it for 2months, I tried.. I resumed back to school. Unfortunately, we went on strike the day I was going back to school...yeah.. In fact, I was in a bus... OAU is an a**hol*. I was forewarned by my parents and to avoid shame, I stayed back in school for 1 month without light. I survived.

We soon resumed and everything went normal at least. I met some great and blessed people... Moyo, Thumy, Omo O, DanSam, Kidha, Robot!...those I can remember....and it was fun...

I remember August 12, I met someone and the first person I knew that ever used contact lens(you know yourself..).

Err... I managed myself and became a good boy who loved reading(me & book used to fight!)...

Days went by and exams soon came... While writing, I hit a jackpot of 30K and I decided to invest with this online money shii... That was how the whole thing went whelllloooo!. I couldn't go home oh boy!.
I stayed back in school yeah after exams and luckily for me, I got a job fact, jobs... I enjoyed my productive stay...

Few days to Christmas, the Prodigal son went home and was received with joy by his parents... I got so many presents for Christmas... The highest was a laptop yh!...

This was a real good experience for 2016... I laughed, was sad coz I don't cry... I made good friends.. and I eventually had a heart to love someone..loool.. she doesn't know yet but I'll tell her today!(31st).

There's more to write buh I'm lazy to start thinking...ehn..

Moyo my confidante!.. we've got secrets😎😘.

And that person I call my pumpkin!..chai, her accent!😍😍😘.

My homie; Ify, Keji, Davies,K-mega, God bless the hustle.

And to Folasade Olawuwo, Glory Ogungbamigbe & Blessing Ogungbemi, the best people I ever had, God bless you front, back & center!.